McGan's Meditations
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McGan's Meditations

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. Normally, I'd keep it to myself, but I'd like to share these thoughts with you all.

Have you ever been around when someone is getting a permanent? It smells like something has gotten trapped inside a wall and died. How can this be good for your hair? A "permanent" is a process that women have done to their hair every four or five weeks, I guess.

So, what is permanent about it? Seems more temporary to me.

"Sally, your hair looks great!"
"Thanks. I just had a temporary."

That makes more sense to me.

What is the deal with all these freakishly muscled "action figures" kids play with today? I think they should be tested for steroids. If they test positive they should be banned from the shelves, suspended until the end of the toy-buying season.

These action figures always have this "roid-rage" look on their faces. Imagine having that look permanently? What if they ran into someone they knew, like the ever-smiling "Ken" doll, who we will pretend is an old friend.

Ken Doll: "Hey, old buddy, you haven't changed a bit. You still look, err, interesting."
Action Figure: "Arrrrrghhhhh...."
Ken Doll: "How about we go for a ride in my now classic Corvette and catch up?"
Action Figure: "Arrrrghhhhh..."
Ken Doll: "I know! Let's go look for girls with teeny waists and big bazookas!"
Action Figure: "Arrrrghhhhhh..."

They say that no two snowflakes are the same. How do they know that? Can they prove it? It's been snowing for millions of years all over the world. They all look the same to me.

Ants are always busy. Have you ever watched them? They're constantly running back and forth, carrying things that are bigger than they are. And there are so many holes. What if, after a long days work, an ant stumbles into the wrong hole?

"Hey! What the..."
"Ooops. I'm sorry, I thought I was..."
"I don't care what you thought. Get your feelers out of here!"
"OK, OK, I'm going already."
"What is this world coming to? You can't even put all your feet up and relax in your own hole without some nut strolling in. I'm going down to Big Red's Security Systems first thing tomorrow. I don't care how many crumbs it costs me."

I once thought that the Afghan Rebels were a group of labourers that had become disenchanted with their governments knitting quotas. Who knew?

I feel better now that I've told you what's been on my mind lately.

If you might be interested in other issues that I've worked through, questions that I've eventually found the answers to, please purchase a copy of Hamster Never Sleeps or Fleeting Thoughts (check out all editorial comments on these books at because I believe you would enjoy them, and, I could really use the money, honey.

Michael McGan - 10th August 2004

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