Does God have a beard? In paintings, He always has a beard. But that is because in biblical times, everyone had beards. You look at a painting of a shepherd with some goats, the shepherd has a beard, the goats have beards... everybody has a beard. It's even quite possible that the women back then had beards as well, they just covered them up with veils. Granted, these are just artists' conceptions of what God looks like. I would bet that the artists had beards. We really don’t know for certain, and many of you could care less, but I'm kind of curious.

I don't know much about the style of sandals that were worn two thousand years ago. What if they were like the "flip-flops" we wear to the beach. Jesus walks by, flip-flop flip-flop. His followers hear Jesus going by and run to catch up, flip-flop flip-flop flip-flop... He's trying to speak to everyone, but nobody can hear what's being said, flip-flop flip-flop... a thousand times over. Just a deafening roar of flip-flops.

"I hope somebody writes all that down because I couldn't hear a word He said."

"Look! He's moving on! Let's go!"

Flip-flop flip-flop...

There comes a time during the mass or service of most Christian denominations, where you receive communion. At this point, you rise and head for the altar. Many times, I'd be chewing gum. So I'd swallow it because you are about to put a wafer of bread in your mouth that is symbolic of the bread broken at The Last Supper. The priest hands me the wafer and says, "The body of Christ." I put it in my mouth and swallow it. Now I'm thinking "Right now, in my stomach, I have the body of Christ mixing with a wad of Bazooka Joe. That can't be good."

Speaking of God, I got to wondering recently, who cuts God's hair. Does he trim it Himself? If we are talking about eternity, that is staggering number of hair cuts. There must be a barber shop or salon in Heaven. Would you have to make an appointment, I wonder? Are walk-ins accepted? Maybe you float in.

If there is no life on other planets, why did God make the cosmos so freakin' big? Did He just get carried away? Is it a guy thing? Or is it that we’re not supposed to know for some reason. Maybe the same deal that we have here on Earth is going on somewhere else and we’ll only get to find out when the game is over. The bible says that on the seventh day God rested. So, the next day He wakes up, He's fresh, and He's looking at another 51 weeks to round out the year. How does He fill those? C’mon.

Always remember, an open mind is a valuable asset, unlike a poor shoe sense... those socks are not a good idea :)

Michael McGan - 29th June 2008