McGan's Meditations
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McGan's Meditations
The New Age...

Someone recently gave me a 'New Age' type magazine to read because they want to open my mind to certain things. They think that I’m too rigid in my spiritual beliefs, which basically means that I won’t dismiss the bible and start hanging crystals from my rear-view mirror. I haven't yet gotten to any of the articles in this magazine, which I'm sure are interesting in a ‘Weekly Star’ sort of way that makes sane people giggle, due to the fact that the ads throughout the magazine are so attractive.

There is a ‘Wishing Machine’ that amplifies brain waves and makes your wishes come true. I wish I knew about this about thirty years ago. It has apparently been "proven effective in lab tests". Labs are easy, try it on a Pug. I can buy the device ready to use for close to two hundred dollars, or for $25.00 I can buy the plans and put it together myself. Like that’s gonna happen. Listen, I wouldn’t so much as bring unassembled patio furniture home and be forced to deal with the crippling stress of all those nuts, bolts and instructions that might as well be curious primitive cave drawings for all the chance that I’m going to understand them, let alone the complexities of a ‘Wish Machine’. I would rather pay someone handy to assemble it for me. Sometimes it’s just worth it.

There is also a ‘Hyperdimensional Resonator’, ready to use for about four hundred smackers. It causes an out-of-body experience or astral projection, whichever comes first apparently. This device will allow you to travel in time and space to any location.

The way I see it, out of the two, I'd buy the cheaper ‘Wishing Machine’ and just wish my way through time and space to any location I chose. With the money I save, I could also buy the ‘Immortality Kit’ which claims to allow you to live for well over two hundred years, which is not in fact forever, and still have plenty left over for a couple of pints and a cheeseburger at the location of my choice. It’s a no-brainer. I was all set to pull out my credit card and purchase these fine products, when my mind opened up and told my hands to close the magazine. It was an open and shut case.

Michael McGan - 25th September 2006

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