McGan's Meditations
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McGan's Meditations
How to attract seagulls in easy steps...

Well, it's all about getting back to business now that my trip to Florida is over. I am so proud of the fact that this year, against all reason, my wife joined me in attracting sea gulls on the beach, using Pringles potato chips as bait. Sadly, the actual head count wasn't what I would normally get and I am guessing that many gulls went north for the summer.

I have recently read that doing this is considered poor beach etiquette, along with kicking sand in someone's face, which would incite them to purchase a mail-order program by Charles Atlas in which they would spend countless hours each day building a physique that would send shivers up the spine of beach bullies and make women swoon with animal attraction.

Unfortunately, all this will keep them away from the beach for years, so, it's all sort of pointless, isn't it? What's a little sand in the face? Suck it up. Get over it. I did. Besides, those muscle-building programs you send away for are a bit of a disappointment, trust me.

Anyway, the seafood was great, the pina coladas were right on the money, and I totally relaxed. Except for the endless calls on our cell phone, from my daughter asking questions on world history for a big school paper.

"What year did the Cold War officially end? What president had the biggest troop deployments in Vietnam? What was the 'New Deal'?"

Can't you Google this stuff? I'm kind of in the middle of something here. I'm trying to pose for a picture, while using seashells in comical ways to cover various body parts and cause your mom to laugh so hard she passes beer through her nose.

I'll tell you. Kids today. They just don't understand.

Michael McGan - 27th June 2004

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