So many things have me sidetracked lately that I have been delinquent in my column here at BookLore. Wrapping up a new book, trying to seduce a literary agent, not literally, well... actually, yes, seeing she's a literary agent. Ha! Where was I? Oh, yes. Also there has been an incredible amount of time shuttling my daughter around to rowing practice, her job, driver education, etc., all after I get out of work.

Then there has been the constant taping of reality shows that I don't have time to watch if I actually want to get some sleep, and lastly, the planning of a trip to the "sunshine state" of Florida, where, by the time you read this, I will be turning 50 and consuming adult beverages with my toes in the sand, thinking how things have changed with the passing of time.

Yes, there will be many deep, philosophical questions that I will try to answer. For instance, why couldn't I have a monkey for a pet when I was a kid? I always wanted a monkey, but my mom would say, "Monkeys are dirty and mean. Your Uncle Owen walked into a bar with a monkey, sat down, and the monkey went crazy. It bit some guy in the leg, then it ran out of the bar and they never found it."

I would always think after hearing it, that monkeys and alcohol don't mix, and what does this have to do with me anyway? I'm eight years old, I won't be going to bars with my monkey. I never did get a monkey and it was probably for the best, now that I think about it. Mom was right. Monkeys are stupid. Who would want one as a pet? Alright.

I've got that one out of the way. Now there will be less time getting all serious and trying to answer deep, philosophical questions, and more time to attract a huge swarm of seagulls with whatever bits of food are nearby, while my wife gives me that look and begs me to stop. Just normal, amusing beach stuff that a fifty year old adult male, with his toes in the sand, would be doing to pass the time until someone hands him another adult beverage.

Did I just say something about the passing of time? That topic always raises deep philosophical questions...

Michael McGan - 10th May 2004