Report by Nigel
Report by Chrissi
Item by Jon
Report by Nigel
Of all the reviewers going to the Clarecraft Discworld Event
this year (eight had originally shown an interest) Ray and
I were probably the most fashion conscious and so were
a little worried about being somewhat out of place (die hard
Stella drinkers for a start!)
A little wary of what to expect since Victim, who has been
before, kept playing down the event saying things like ‘Hope
you aren’t expecting too much…’ which quite
frankly is a bit of a worry when you are 200 miles from home
(Note for Americans - this is a bloody long way in the UK…
almost coast to coast in some parts:)
We finally managed to get there after spending several hours
in a traffic jam and started to pitch the tents, Chrissi and
mine taking up several acres and requiring planning permission.
After we had settled down and had a few beers we decided
to visit the ‘beer tent’ and check out what was
on offer while not holding out much hope for a decent lager
let alone Stella. So with trepidation we walked into the beer
barn (an actual building no less) and lo and behold, alongside
the array of weird and wonderful signs for devil’s toenail
and pig’s trotters another sign… Stella 4.9% abv.
Ray and I both stopped in our tracks, turned at the same time
with big grins spreading across our faces… ‘Your
round then?’
So began a weekend that was full of unexpected surprises,
great weather, very nice people (Hector and Lou and Star to
mention but a few) and turned out to be immense fun.
PS - many thanks to the barman we befriended who was very
generous when ‘cleaning’ the pumps… at one
stage, on a very sunny afternoon, we were surrounded by pints
and pints of free Stella… heaven.
Nigel
13th June 2004
Item by Jon
Thanks to Jon for sending in the following details regarding
the song sung at the Karaoke night that everyone enjoyed so
much...
I have just read your "Booklore on Tour" review
of the Clarecraft event and thought you might like the information
below.
You mentioned a song about Paddy not being able to go to
work. If this song featured barrels of bricks, then you can
to find the original song by Noel Murphy - follow the link
below:
http://www.martin-kingsbury.co.uk/noel/
I don't know about the cd featured here, but on my (very
old) vinyl version he does not give credit to the originator
of this story.
Back in the Fifties "The Bricklayer" was a monologue
by Gerrard Hoffnung and can be found here
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0563536756/ref=pd_sr_ec_ir_aps/026-4514557-2874060
as part of Hoffnung's Oxford Union speech.
Jon - 31st October 2003
Report by Chrissi
On Friday morning we got up to the pitter-patter of rain on
the roof and Nigel turned to me and said (quite seriously)
that there was no way he was sleeping in a tent in the rain,
he would rather sleep in the car; my thoughts were just as
doubtful, and I seriously considered packing a winter-weight
Gore-Tex, as everybody knows that camping in summer leads
to frostbite and no matter how nice the day is, the nights
are damp and cold…
Rainy days? I think that we all have memories of finding
things to do on rainy holiday-days – I can remember
being on holiday in Newquay as a child and going to the cinema
to see James Bond in Octopussy. The cinema was where we could
all be warm and dry, but then we got back to find a river
through the middle of the tent, and David and I had to sit
in the Maxi while Mum and Dad struggled to move the tent in
the dark with horizontal rain and a howling gale… At
six years old it all seems a bit of an adventure, whereas
at my present rather advanced number of years the prospect
fills me with dread and a pathological need to have the number
of a local taxi firm and an address for a bed and breakfast.
With that thought in mind, Nigel suggested that as we were
not going until later, we could all go and have a game of
golf and see what the weather did, and lo! If the sun did
not come out (only because we all had our waterproofs on and
no sunblock with us – sod’s law, don’t you
think?) so we got home, grabbed baths and packed the car.
David arrived and I cadged a lift with him rather than sit
in the back of N’s car all the way down.
The journey was awful – we got caught in the queue
for the A1 (thanks to Robbie Williams at Knebworth –
I lay that firmly at his door) and an accident on the A14,
it took us four and a half hours to get to the campsite, including
one detour because we didn't know what the signs would look
like and we saw a (small) sign which we followed, nearly ending
up at an antiques fair. We realised before it was too late
and went back to the A14, arriving at about half past seven
in the evening.
Can I share something with you? I was really not sure quite
what to expect at the CCDE, my brother and a friend had been
to the last couple, and had enjoyed them but if you know my
brother, then you will know that he is not the most effusive
of people and his last words as we drove into the campsite
were "I hope that you are not expecting too much of this…"
We drove onto the site and waited for N and Ray to arrive
before we put up the tents as we all wanted to be together,
that way we could be sensible and take one torch out in the
evenings so that we could find our way home… bit too
sensible really, several beers while we put up the tents before
going to find the bar, and we forgot the torch, typical really…
Opposite our tent was a sign for a Klatchian camel trader,
(jokes about trading women (i.e. me) abounded all weekend),
and we realised that we had no sign to say who we were and
what we were doing, so bright sparks flew and we cobbled together
a sign saying “BookLore
on Tour” using a bic biro and an asda camp-bed box,
which was stuck onto the tent poles of the too-big-tent belonging
to N and I.
(We had to endure lots of ribbing about our tent from Ray
and David with their neat little dome tents, but I refuse
to be intimidated, I like our tent; it might be a little large,
but at least I can lie down and (almost) stand up in it, whereas
David on the other hand, can do neither properly, so ha!)
The sign in place, we met a gentleman called Hector, (who
we later saw in the Masquerade dressed as a Wizard), and then
took a wander around the site to inspect the facilities and
find the bar (centre point for the event, according to N,
and wow, if it didn’t sell Stella!! That was two of
our number very happy and settled for the night)
Later we moved to the barn and listened to the Karaoke, I
have to say that Karaoke normally sounds to me like people
are being killed in a most hideous way, but it would appear
that CCDE people are a very talented bunch and we could actually
tell what songs were being sung – I have to give a large
round of applause to the gentleman who sung the song about
Paddy (see above for more details) who
could not go to work today – he was brilliant, a song
that I have never heard before, but it had all of us in fits
of laughter, so well was it sung.
The following morning, I was cold and stiff, having been
unable to get warm – by the end of the night I was wearing
‘jamas, thick socks and a sweatshirt, with a blanket
over my sleeping bag – not a happy bunny then, to be
awake at six (damned noisy seagulls) and unable to sleep any
more, but at least I did not have to queue for the ladies
facilities. At least, though, my concerns about the weather
seemed misplaced, as the sunshine was out and there was not
a cloud in the sky – the tent at half past six was starting
to warm up and I was able to doze for a while until a more
reasonable time to start waking the others.
I didn’t have to wait long for David, as I am sure
that the short tent is not particularly conducive to sleeping
for tall people and sat outside chatting for a while, waiting
for the others to stir. I was amazed to find that Ray has
three zips on his tent
– two I could understand, but three? I thought that
he was never going to get out, and it actually gave me time
to get the camera and be in position to zap him. I do apologise
for anyone that can lip-read, because the photo I took should
probably have an eighteen certificate just because of the
language, he was not impressed and I daren’t tell you
what he said, else N will censor it.
Needless to say, when I am up, I think it reasonable for
others to be getting up, and N
got dragged out of his (hungover) pit not much later with
a sausage and egg sarnie from the van. His rude awakening
was completed when a wasp wanted to share his breakfast in
bed resulting in a loud commotion from the tent, (not a lover
of wasps, bees, or creepy crawlies in general is Nigel.)
Once we were all dressed, it was time for the t-shirts, much
to the disgust of Ray, N had had t-shirts made for us all,
just for the CCDE and we all had to wear them, and very nice
they are, too, (even on whinging Irishmen!!) You may have
seen us wandering around and might I take this opportunity
to thank the people who bid for the one that we donated
to the auction – we looked for the buyer afterwards
but could not tell who had bought it – if you could
send us a piccie of yourself (or anyone else) wearing it,
we would love to post it with this article.
Now, a word of warning – the bazaar at the CCDE is
a very dangerous place to be, for your wallet at least. We
wandered from stall to stall, with tongues hanging out and
longing looks towards objects of our desire. Creatures with
no will power are we when it comes to books or anything to
do with books, and this was a veritable feast; proofs, first
editions and foreign editions all by that man Terry, all of
it available if you pass over enough of your hard earned overdraft!
Where to start? Well, the obvious starting place was the pile
of proof copies of 'Monstrous Regiment' – several puddles
of drool and indecision later, David purchased a copy and
Nigel turned green with envy.
Having a desperate need to escape from temptation, we went
up to the bar, where the Paint Your Own was getting underway
and the queue was forming for people wanting to see TP. We
decided to join and have a copy of Good
Omens signed, this being a 10/10 book for the site and
one of our personal favourites. David asked us to have his
brand spanking new copy of 'Monstrous Regiment' signed and
so we waited patiently.
Now I had heard that TP is not the fastest of authors to
sign things, signing as he does anything that people present
to him and making nice little comments as he does so, but
so we were happy to wait in that dreadfully hot barn, in a
queue which got longer and longer. It took about three quarters
of an hour to get to meet him, by which time my brain had
melted and I’d become a dithering wreck, but he was
so nice, he signed our
books and our programmes, writing nice little witticisms
and commenting on my (hand-made quilted) book bag, which normally
just makes people think I’m an anorak, aaaahhhhh, I
can see why everyone who has met him thinks that he is lovely.
After this, it was getting too hot to sit outside, so David
and I decided to do a PYO, he chose the event piece, while
I chose Mort. Ray and N decided to “have a drink”
while we painted and they gradually got quite hammered, because
it took us a while to paint these things. Now although David
has been to a couple of CCDE’s he has never done a PYO,
so I was surprised that he wanted to do a big piece but then
he said that he wanted it for the mantelpiece of his new house.
So, congratulations David, it’s great and I am sure
that it will look absolutely brilliant.
When we had finished painting it was still really warm, but
the Masquerade was about to start so we grabbed a (much deserved)
alcoholic drink and tried to find somewhere to watch the show.
I have to say that I was shocked by the amount of effort that
people had put into their costumes and the little skits that
they performed and to stand up in front of so many people,
TP included, they were so brave, I really do take my hat off
to you all. We saw Hector
the wizard, and Lou (as the Scarab) with Star and while
this was going on, N and Ray wandered around taking photos
of people, who all said yes and posed nicely, and those photographs
are here as well, but being as organised as we were, we did
not ask all of your names, so it would be really nice, if
you can see yourself, or someone you recognise, to send us
in a name (real or fake) and we’ll try to label them
up.
At the end of the Masquerade, we sat and chatted to a very
pleasant gentleman called Casanunder (the second greatest
lover on the Discworld) who had brought along his own stool,
and were surprised at the number of people that he knew that
had come from the Midlands, and although he was rude about
lager drinkers he kindly invited us to his palatial tent complex
that evening. I am sorry to say that we did not get there
as we went to see the band, but thank you anyway, I hope that
you got through all that 40 pints of whatever it was that
you needed to drink. It would have been a shame to have to
take it all home again with you.
At the end of the night, having watched the band and drunk
a considerable amount more, we were all shattered and wandered
back to the tent with Lou and Star, where I proceeded to get
even more layers on to ward off the night chill than the night
before.
Sunday morning was also glorious, we went to meet TP for
the last time, N’s jellyfish spine having finally caved
in and got a copy of 'Monstrous Regiment'. We were at the
front of the queue this time, and watched in amazement as
the queue promptly curved all the way along the wall. I sat
next to a lady from Scarborough who said that the weather
was always gorgeous for the CCDE’s, and it was almost
like true Discworld weather. I have to say that the lazy sunshine
did seem to flow by slowly and it made everyone smile (and
judging by a few people, it made them so lethargic that they
forgot their suncream!)
After a reprise of the Masquerade, it was time for the auction,
and never having been before, I was amazed at the kind of
things that were included and how generous people were. I
am sure that my recounting of the auction could be in no way
as amusing as the real thing, and so I shall say only that
the Librarian would be proud, although I am sure he would
probably rather have had a banana than TP’s part-eaten
cake.
After the auction we made our weary way home, not realising
that we were missing the Rocket launch, but having paid for
safety features for the orangutan, I hope that he survived
his ordeal even if he didn’t enjoy it.
Having been a CCDE virgin, I am so glad that we went and
had such a good time, that I am now campaigning to go to the
Wadfest; my only reservation being that I want an arctic rated
sleeping bag, or three dozen hot water bottles. I don’t
really mind which, both would be nice but they may not all
fit in the boot of the car, not with people at the same time
anyway. You never know, I may even be brave enough at some
point to do the dressing up thing, I would not know who or
what as, but seeing as these things hopefully continue I can
spend the next two years deciding… Until then N wants
us to prepare a proper banner for the top of the tent for
Wadfest, but it won’t be as much use as a torch in helping
us to find the tent in the dark…
Chrissi
- 22nd September 2003
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