The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

Robert Rankin

....Toy Town Babylon....

Once upon a time Jack set out to seek his fortune in the big city.

But Jack gets a bit lost on the way and wanders off the map. And when he finally comes to a big city, it is Toy City, formerly known as Toy Town, and it has grown considerably since the good old days and isn’t all that jolly any more.

For there is a serial killer loose upon the streets of Toy City.

One by one, the old rich nursery rhyme characters, who made their millions from the royalties on their best-selling rhymes, are being brutally slaughtered. First to die is Humpty Dumpty, prominent city swell, boiled alive in his swimming pool. Next is Little Boy Blue, Toy City’s leading fashion designer, shish-kebabbed on his own shepherd’s crook.

The Toy City police are getting nowhere; and Bill Winkie, Private Eye, has also mysteriously vanished, leaving only his sidekick, Eddie Bear, a battered teddy with an identity crisis, to take care of business.
Eddie’s ready to take on the challenge and when he teams up with Jack, the two set out on an epic adventure that will ultimately lead them into uncharted realms of the human psyche.

Not to mention a lot of heavy drinking, bad behaviour, fast car chases, gratuitous sex and violence, bizarre toy fetishism and all-round grossness. Of a type not normally associated with Toy Town.

Review by Ray (260304) Rating (8/10)

Review by Ray
Toy city is becoming a dangerous place for the famous Nursery Rhyme inhabitants. Humpty Dumpty is the first 'A' lister to bite the bullet by being boiled alive in his own swimming pool. A serial killer is murdering notable nursery-rhyme characters and leaving calling cards at the scene of each crime. The local Bobbies are failing to turn up any clues and Bill Winkie the Private Investigator has gone missing. Eddie, his trusty slightly unstable alcoholic sidekick, takes up the case joined by Jack, the country lad trying to make it big in the city. What follows next has the makings of a great thriller involving car chases, multiple murders, a sadistic murderer knowing their every move and a climactic ending.

Obviously from the setting you could be mistaken for thinking this might have been a children’s book, but the subject matter within a few pages will quickly change your mind. I honestly laughed most of the way through this book. The situations that the main characters get themselves into and the rather painful ways of 'offing' the locals of Toy City will have you sniggering and wincing all at the same time.

One amusing incident involves a drunken night out on the toy city dodgy beer leading to Jack waking up under a desk (it happens honest) only to find Eddie hanging from the rafters by a long rope in the morning. Panic ensues only for Eddie to ask if he could be taken off the rope as all the alcohol should have drained out from his paper and wool stuffing by now. It makes you wonder how he goes to the loo, if he has to be hung from the ceiling to literally 'dry out'.

Out of the ten or so Rankin books that I’ve read this is one of the best. In typical Rankin fashion it's laugh out funny, with running gags and bizarre situations.

Eddie the bear is superb and as is typical with a detective's sidekick he is really running the show behind the scenes. He meets his match with the country bumpkin Jack though. Trying to catch a killer who is always one step ahead leads to funny scenarios that will have you laughing throughout.

Rankin fans will love this and I would highly recommend any non-fans to give this a go too. One of his best.
Ray (26th March 2004)